Like most young Navy couples, Terry and Pat knew marriage meant a life of compromise. Shore stations, sea duty and the life of a Sailor meant sacrifice, adaptability and planning. Adding four active and social children to the mix over the years also meant learning to develop mom and dad skills, such as setting priorities, juggling calendars and the art of the carpool.
Even though money was tight, Terry and Pat decided that it was important for one parent to stay at home and raise the children while the other pursued a career. So every day, Terry kissed Pat goodbye and dug into his workaday routine of managing a bustling household while Pat set sail for her new adventures in the Navy.
Terry is one of a growing number of ‘‘Stay-at-Home Dads” who have made the career choice to stay at home and raise their children while the ‘‘breadwinner” takes her career to new heights. And while parenting is a natural part of the history of the world, fathers who take on this primary duty are uncommon. They face their own set of growing pains while leading their children into adulthood.
Being a parent
Parenting is a learned skill that requires patience, determination and consistency. Mothers and fathers bring different natural abilities and instincts to parental responsibilities. Mothers tend to be more nurturing, while fathers tend to allow a little more risk-taking, according to Joe Kelly, president of Dads and Daughters.
Stay-at-home dads face several obstacles and stereotypes that moms don’t have to deal with: social stigmas, the opinion of others that something is wrong with him because he doesn’t have a ‘‘real job,” and many times being the only adult male at a play date or story time at the local library.
But these obstacles are minor compared to the joys of full-time parenting and watching children grow, play, learn, and laugh.
Here are some tips to help you develop your skills at being the best stay-at-home dad you can be:
Prioritize your work
As all household managers know, running the show at home never ends. Meals, cleaning, carpooling, errands and the myriad other duties result in too much to do in too little time. By prioritizing your workload, you can get the really important things done and have time for fun.
Make time for your spouse
At least once a week, go on a date. Leave the kids with a babysitter and spend time on your relationship with the love of your life.
Teamwork is a must
Enlist mom and the children in helping around the house. Make housework a family activity and not a chore. Divide up tasks and have a race to see who finishes first. Sing while you clean. Give age-appropriate assignments.
Have a backup plan
Cultivate childcare providers, both on and off base. Be available to other parents to help out in a pinch if they need it. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
Make time for yourself
Don’t feel guilty if you want to go for a run, play a round of golf, or chill on the deck with a book and your MP3 player. Your duties are full time, but you do have a life, too. Be proud of your role.